Beating Homesickness

This article comes from Citizen Times.

Going to overnight camp for the first time can be an intimidating and even scary prospect for children. But the homesickness kids might feel in the first few days of their camp experience isn't unlike situations older children and even adults face every day.

“The term ‘homesickness' is really a misnomer,” said Jon Brooks, associate director of Camp Rockmont for Boys in Swannanoa. “Anxiety about camp is quite normal, even for veteran campers. It's rooted in the same anxiety that we often feel in any new and unfamiliar circumstance where we don't know the faces, the surroundings or the routine.”

Even though anxiety is normal, there are ways to help young campers feel more excitement than fear as they embark on a new adventure. At the top of the list: “Avoid the pickup deal,” Brooks said.

“Any well-meaning promise that the parent will come get their child if they start to feel uneasy not only undermines the important work that camp counselors are trained to do, it also sends the message to the child that the parent really doesn't have confidence that they can work through their uneasy feelings,” he said.

“Parents should give reassurance that they know their child can make the adjustment to the new surroundings — and they can,” Brooks added. “Helping a camper grow through that adjustment is actually a key component of youth development at Rockmont, and it has wonderful, far-reaching effects.”

Christine E. Le Clair, director of program and camp with the Pisgah Girl Scout Council, said parents are often tempted to tell their young scouts that that they will come and get them if they get really homesick.

“But what they are really saying is, ‘I expect you to get homesick,'” she said. “We advise them to say instead, ‘Being at camp is going to be different, and you may even be nervous sometimes. But I know you will make it, and your counselors will be there to help you when you need them.'”

Marisa Pharr, who, with her husband, Yates Pharr, owns Falling Creek Camp for Boys in Henderson County, agreed that teaching a child to work through his feelings is one of the great opportunities the camp experience offers.

“They are given a chance to work on building self-esteem and confidence, and they can't do that if the parent rescues them,” she said.

Erica Rohrbacher, Southeastern section executive for the American Camp Association, said one way parents can reduce anxiety for first-time campers is to involve the child in the process of choosing a camp.

“The more that the child owns the decision, the more comfortable the child will feel,” she said. “Parents should discuss what camp will be like, and help their child develop realistic expectations.”

“As a parent, you have the final say in the camp your child attends,” Marisa Pharr said. “But let them be involved in choosing as much as possible. They'll be excited, and won't feel like you are ‘shipping them off.'”

Letters from home

Once kids are at camp, a big no-no for parents — who may experience their own homesickness for the camper — is writing letters saying how much they miss the child.

“Parents should focus on the child's activities and experiences rather than what they may be missing at home,” Brooks said. “They should avoid overstating how much they miss the child or how sad the family is without them. Engaging and encouraging letters are best.”

Brooks said the best tool he's seen for coaching first-time campers and parents is a DVD produced by Dr. Christopher Thurber.

“Dr. Thurber is a board-certified clinical psychologist, author, consultant and father with years of personal camp experience,” Brooks said. “This lighthearted DVD helps normalize the feelings that a camper may have, and lays excellent groundwork before the camp experience.”

Pharr said when her own kids are at camp she sends letters with positive, fill-in-the-blank questions such as “My best meal at camp so far has been…., or “This is a picture of me at my favorite activity.”

“They can respond right on the letter I sent and mail it back,” she said. “This optimistic view of camp is helpful, especially during a quieter time of the day, like rest hour, when campers' thoughts turn to things they miss at home.”

Preparing for camp

Le Clair said it is helpful for parents to put common questions on the table for discussion before camp begins. Among them might be: “What if I wet the bed?” “What if no one likes me?” “What if I don't like the food?” “What if I get sick?” “What if I really miss you?” “What if I'm scared of bugs?”

It's also important to talk about what it will be like at camp, she said, including group living, taking care of oneself and belongings, noises at night, doing chores, using the buddy system and wearing socks and closed toe-and-heel shoes.

Rare is the camper who doesn't make the transition from anxiety to adventure in less than a couple of days, camp leaders said.

“It's not always missing the parent that makes a child homesick,” Pharr said. “They can miss playing electronic games, watching TV and going to the fridge to get a soda whenever they want — the stuff of their normal day. But once they start making friends and getting involved in camp, those feelings fade,” she said. “Participating in activities that they don't often have a chance to do at home begins to fill their days.”